Miss Me

Its weird the things that you miss, even when its feels wrong to miss them. In high school I had very strong feelings for a guy, he also had strong feelings for me. He, however, never made any attempt to be with me and eventually ignored me completely; he dated other girls, but wouldn't date me. He toyed with my emotions and feelings and somehow I continued to like him. I have spent years trying to move on from him, but what really sucks is that I still miss him. Not just him, but the way he made me feel. I know that I shouldn't, but I can't seem to help it. Similarly, I continually miss my best friend, not the person but the relationship. My best friend treated me like crap, but truthfully that was all I knew, its what I was used to and its what I miss. I miss having someone in my life that I was so close to, and I worry I will never  have that again. I miss life the way it used to be; it may not have been perfect and it may have been wrong but there were things in my life that I liked and now that they are gone I miss them, good or bad. It really makes me understand why people stay in abusive relationships, which is what both of my relationships were. When you care about someone, even when they hurt you, you tend to look past the bad things. You want to only see the good because you like those good things and you don't want to lose them. When I lost my best friend it was the worst day of my life, I had never really seen my friendship with her as an abusive one I just thought that was the way things were. It wasn't until I was no longer under her spell that I realized exactly how bad the relationship was. Now that I look back at it I regret not opening my eyes earlier, but I am also grateful for the relationship because it made me stronger; it made me the person I am today. So, that seemed like a long tangent but what my point really is is that when it comes to missing things we don't really have control over it. We miss things we know we shouldn't, but we can't seem to help it. And really we shouldn't be ashamed of missing those things, because at one point in our lives it was what we wanted, what we needed and without those moments, those people, those things we wouldn't be the people we are.