Black and White

The world is full of opposites; light and dark, day and night, yes and no. People tend to see the world as being only black and white but the world is so much more, it is all the grey in between. The best parts of life are those that aren't one extreme or the other, but what comes between the two. The dim light and the shadows between the light and the dark. The sunrise and sunset that come between each night and day. The life that is lived between birth and death. Not all questions can be answered with a simple yes or no and the truth is that in most cases we are happy with not having the answer. In order to see the bigger picture we have to see the greys that fill in the spaces between black and white. There isn't only good and bad, right or wrong, heaven or hell; there is so much in between. Sometimes we can be good and other times we can be bad, we can do the right things and the wrong things, but we aren't always one or the other sometimes we just are sometimes we just do things that aren't always right and aren't always wrong. The way we are and the things we do all have the potential to be good, bad, right, or wrong but it doesn't always mean they are. Our lives are lived in an in between, life is an in between its not black or white but every shade of grey.

Loneliness

Have you ever had many people in your life but still feel all alone? I do, I feel this way all the time. I have a family who loves me I have friends who love me and yet I feel alone. I have never had a romantic relationship; I've never had a boyfriend, never really had anyone who was in love with me. When I think about it I wonder why it bothers me so much. People are happy being single so why can't I be, I have people in my life who care about me so I'm not really alone... but I think it's something different. We are here to live and love and thrive, without love life is an empty place. I am happy with my life, but I know something is missing and I understand that a man isn't going to suddenly make my life better. But I do think that the love of another person would make my life better. Loneliness is a funny thing, we can feel it when we are surrounded by people or when we are all alone. And I think that the sadness that people feel would be more understandable if they were all alone instead of surrounded by people. Because in our minds this doesn't make sense, but somehow we still feel it and it feels wrong. I have cried myself to sleep many nights thinking about the loneliness I feel and telling myself that its stupid to feel that way. I tell myself that I am not alone and yet somewhere inside of me I still feel it, and that loneliness isn't due to a lack of people who love me but a lack of someone specific who is in love with me. I think it's this exact feeling that causes so many people to take their own lives, because they feel all alone even when there are people who love them. I don't condone suicide and even though I once contemplated suicide I now realize how selfish of an act it is. As lonely as I feel I know that people still love me and they would be hurt if I was gone, so instead of thinking of only my own unhappiness I think about the unhappiness of others if I was no longer around. I think that when we feel all alone we need to take a step back and look at the world, there are so many people out there who are just as lonely as you and realize that you are never alone in the way you feel. We are all human, we crave love and belonging and we are all in the same boat together.

After the Dark

I think that most people watch movies and read books and only see what's on the surface. They don't take the time to look deep, to read between the lines. A few weeks ago I watched a movie called After the Dark, it was released in the US in February. If you haven't seen it and enjoy movies that challenge the mind I would suggest seeing it. The movie takes place at an international school in Jakarta, it starts on the last day of the students senior year and their last official philosophy class. The teacher proposes an experiment in which the students have to imagine a scenario where an apocalyptic event has occurred and the class of twenty students are all given roles in which they must decide which ten of the most significant roles shall be saved in a bunker for a year in order to reboot the human race. I watched the movie before I checked out the reviews on the IMDb website, and I'm gad I did. Most all of the reviews are bad, people state that the movie is poorly done and that the entire thing was horrific. These people I don't think truly saw the movie for what it was, it wasn't intended to excite the audience it wasn't intended to captivate the audience; it was intended to force the audience to see something that we often forget. The basis of philosophy is reason and logic, the movie attempts to prove that life is not philosophical. The class conducts the experiment three times; the first time their decisions for who will be allowed in the bunker are based solely on what roles would be most beneficial for the restart of the human race. I don't want to ruin the movie for you if you intend to watch it so I will simply say this, their first attempt ends in failure for one simple reason they fear the unknown. The second time they are presented with a second part to their role and the experiment is made a little harder with the students having to produce a child while in the bunker for a year. This time their decision on who is allowed in is based on their roles as well as their ability to produce a child, this attempt also ends in failure because they inevitably accept their fate. With the final time one of the students proposes a different decision making process. She chooses individuals not based on their roles or what they can do to reboot the human race but what they offer as a whole. This time ends much differently. These three experiments show different aspects of humanity, the first and second showing that logic and reason end in failure because we fear the unknown and we inevitably accept our fate. The finale time ended differently because those chosen brought forth life and happiness and they accepted the unknown and didn't fear their fate. The end of the movie is a little weird and at first I didn't like it or understand it, but the more I thought about it the more I realized why they did it. The end shows that the philosophy teacher, although he teaches and follows logic and reason he just like the rest of us is only human, and we as a human race choose emotion and feeling over logic and reason.

Magic and Illusion

Illusion: something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality; the state or condition of being deceived. I am a believer in magic and illusion, I think that a little harmless deception is a good thing. As humans we want to be entertained, and we want something that will astound and amaze us; which is exactly what magic does. I remember watching as a kid The World's Greatest Magic and Magic's Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed, I was in love with Penn and Teller and Lance Burton. When I was a teenager I would watch Criss Angel and I have continued to watch his "mind freak" illusions. Magic and illusion are a trick of the mind; the person doing that magic is deceiving you, but you as the viewer are accepting of this deception and find enjoyment from it. I am a rationalist, I believe in finding the truth in everything which is why I think I love magic and illusion so much because on one hand I want to figure out how they did it and on the other hand I struck by the notion that I don't want to know the truth because it would take all of the excitement away from it. From a simple card trick to a death defying stunt we as an audience are astounded by the simple deception, we know we are being deceived and yet we are all to eager to sit back and let them deceive us. There is a sort of wonder in the unknown and a sadness in the knowing. I want to share a video with you that I think helps to express my point, this man in the video is doing card tricks. The entire time you can tell he is using a slight of hand and yet the way he does it keeps you so entertained that you ignore it and are amazed by what he can do. Lennart Green In watching magic we set aside our left brain for a little while, we set aside logic and reason and open ourselves up to our imagination and let ourselves be amazed by this alteration of reality.

Jane McGonigal: The game that can give you 10 extra years of life

Gender

My freshman year of college I took a course that truly changed my perspective. The college I attended was a liberal arts school and students are required to take classes in different courses not pertaining to their major; one of the areas was minorities and culture. I decided to take a class about transgender, I thought it would be easy and I could just get it out of the way. What I didn't realize is that it would open my eyes to something I hadn't really thought about before. I myself am a supporter of LGBT rights and I believe that they can choose the life they want to lead. I didn't really understand the concept of what transgender was or what the people who are transgender go through. The first day of class our professor asked us to define sex and gender. Most people use the words in a way that they seem to have the same definition, however what I learned is this: Sex is male or female based upon whether you were born with the x chromosome or the y chromosome, whether you have male sexual organs or female sexual organs. Gender is a grouping based on what type of societal stereotype you reside with. Let me explain, society as whole divides people into masculine and feminine often we place those of the male sex in the masculine group and those of the female in the feminine group. With those that are transgender they identify themselves in a gender group based on their own personal gender identity and not on the sex they were born with. A lot of people, including myself up until I took this course, don't understand what it means to be transgender. Most people think that those who are transgender are just confused or that they are some kind of mentally unstable individual. However like people who are gay/lesbian transgender people don't choose to feel the way they do, they are just born with the understanding that the body they have isn't who they are. Religious people will say that this is wrong, and I don't believe that to be true. God created all of us in his image, he created each of us to be who we are; those who are transgender they were just brought into this world with the wrong body. In the womb we start out all the same, and through the process of gestation and through hormone development we either become male or female. God doesn't care what you do to your body as long as you love yourself and him, people cover their skin in tattoos and piercings and we put on clothes that represent our personalty and some people get botox or plastic surgery so tell me how that is any different from wanting to change what sex you are. Who you are on the inside is all that matters and if you want to change the way you look on the outside then shouldn't you be allowed to? On average we all have the same looking brain the same looking heart and we all have the intangible thing that we call a soul, those are the pieces of us that are important they are what make us who we are and what are body looks like doesn't matter. In the class we watched a lot of movies and I think that three of them will help people understand what its like for those who aren't happy in their own skin and how free they become when they embrace who they really are; Boys Don't Cry, Transamerica, and The Birdcage. Again I wish to reiterate that this is only my opinion and I do not wish to offend anyone, please don't leave negative comments.

Vulnerability

I am shy person, however I haven't always been. When I was younger I was very outgoing, I would talk to anyone and I wasn't afraid to do anything. It seems though as I got older my ability to be outgoing, to put myself out there diminished. I wonder if this is the same for other people... I know that when we are young we aren't yet affected by the standards set by society. Our society makes people feel insecure with themselves, whether the way they look, dress, act, talk; and eventually we become so affected by society that we begin to doubt ourselves and are less likely to put ourselves out there. The human race is fragile and because we have intelligence and reason we also have emotion and feeling. Opening ourselves up and putting ourselves out there makes us vulnerable; vulnerable to shame, to fear, to rejection. These emotions and feelings brought on by vulnerability are unwanted and we tend to push them away or do whatever it takes not to feel them. Some people change the way they are and the way they look, so that they will fit into the ideals set forth in our society. Others like myself shy away from situations and other people and things that would cause us to be vulnerable. However, that same vulnerability with all its bad emotions and feelings can cause good ones as well. When we open up to people and put ourselves out there we also connect and fall in love and learn new things. I truly think that if society changes instead of the people in it, then we will all be more confident. If a young girl can look at a magazine and see a woman with curves who exudes confidence then that little girl can grow up and no matter what body type she has she will be confident in her own skin. If a young boy who is questioning his sexuality can see that his gay neighbors are happily married with children of their own then that little boy can grow up and not fear shame and rejection if he decides he's gay. How can we as individuals be vulnerable and have confidence in ourselves when everyday we wake up and the world tells us there is something wrong with who we are, when the world tells us that we have to change?

Hello!

I decided to try something new and give blogging a try. I don't know if anyone will actually read this or if anyone will care, but I decided to give it a try anyway. I often have so many thoughts rolling around in my head on a daily basis and I thought that I should share my quirky thoughts with the world. So here goes... my first official blog. I want to start by saying that the things I say aren't meant to offend anyone and I truly believe that everyone has the right to their own opinion. That being said I know that I my self tend to have strong opinions. I would consider myself a feminist and in saying that I think it is necessary to define exactly what a feminist is for those who don't truly understand. The dictionary defines feminism as the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes or an organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests. I don't think that this definition is a good one. Feminism, I believe, is the belief that all those being oppressed have the right to equality. Oppressed being any who are the minority; so women, gays, those of color, and so on. Being a feminist I believe that we all have the right to equal freedoms and rights; I think women should be equal to men, homosexuals and other LGBT individuals should be equal to heterosexuals, those of color equal to those seen as the dominate race. So, that aside, I want to present you with my other views... I am a christian to be more specific my domination is Trinity Lutheran of the Missouri Synod, that being said I am open and accepting of all other religions. I believe that all faiths have a higher power and that higher power whatever we wish to call it is all the same, most basic ancient and medieval philosophy speaks of a higher power and I believe that this is what all religions are based upon. That being said I don't exactly follow my own religion to a T, I tend to have my own beliefs about the way in which the bible should be interpreted. I also believe strongly in science and I think that science and religion all though often at odds can be interpreted together and that it isn't necessary to pick a side. I try to stay away from politics but if you ask me I am sure to tell you what I think and how I feel about government and all other political things. I am by nature a pessimist, I however like to think of myself as a realist. I tend to look at things for what they really are, and I tend to look for the truth in people. On the other side of that I am trying very hard to be more of an optimist and look for the good in people. Nature I find is a beautiful thing and after my "rough" year I have taken a new look at what the world really is. I feel like I should explain this "rough" year that I had, its been five years since then and I have spent every minute making my life better and putting it behind me. That sounds a lot worse than it really is, but the experience for me was a tough one. I was betrayed by someone very close to me, my best friend and it rocked my world so much that I almost took my life. If it wasn't for one amazing individual I might not be here today. After that I began to realize what a dark cloud my best friend had really been in my life. I don't know if you've ever had someone in your life that has such a strong hold on you, but my best friend was that for me. She had a way of making me feel like I was less of a person than I really was. She made me doubt myself, she judged me, and put me down and the weight of her presence in my life lowered my self-esteem so much that when she was gone I had nothing left. That was the point at which I was ready to end my life, I felt alone and lost and like there was nobody there for me. But that day someone who is now a very close friend of mine said this to me, "I am on your side." Those words they changed my life, in this big scary world we all worry that we're alone and the truth is that we're not. Someone whoever they are is always on your side, you may not even know their name or may not have even met them but there are so many people out there that want to help you. Even if it that person is the voice on the other end of a call to the suicide hotline, they are there for you and want to make sure you go on living. I want to firmly state that suicide is never the answer to your problems, I have lost friends to suicide and there is no worse feeling than thinking you could have done something to save them. Suicide is selfish, and I speak from experience that in the moment you're not thinking about everyone else who's going to be left behind, but I think that if you are contemplating suicide that you think about all those you'll leave behind. So that's a little about me and I will post on here the little thoughts in my head when they come to me. Again I don't want anyone to be offended by what I say and please don't leave negative comments, however if you have something you want to add or questions for me feel free to do so.