A Long Way Down

I just watched the movie A Long Way Down and if you haven't seen it I recommend it. It gives a look into the lives of four people who on New Years Eve meet on the roof of a building ready to jump. Instead of jumping they all make a pact to wait until Valentine's Day. I really liked the movie because it gives a glimpse into the biggest question when it comes to individuals committing suicide - Why? When people commit suicide their loved ones are left to ask the question as to why they did it. Sometimes the person leaves a note and sometimes not, but no matter what that person writes down on the paper whose to say that's the real reason they ended their life. I don't want to ruin the ending for anyone who plans to watch it, so I won't tell you if they jump or not. What I will tell you is something they say at the end, that a man who survived jumping off the Golden Gate Bridge said that in the five seconds after he jumped before he hit the water was that the only thing in his life that couldn't be fixed was jumping off that bridge. Being someone who has almost committed suicide I understand that thought completely. Luckily for me I had someone to make me realize that the only thing I couldn't have fixed would have been taking my own life, that someone gave me my five seconds. I think that the why is a big question and maybe even the person who's ready to jump doesn't even know the answer themselves. But if that person is you, I ask you to take those five seconds before you jump and think about it...

Self Evident Truth

I just watched this video and I thought it was necessary to share. If you haven't heard of the http://www.selfevidentproject.com/ you should, it is something that I think could help to break down barriers. In truth it is about so much more than gay individuals, its about all individuals and showing them for what they really are - human beings. We shouldn't be separated into groups based on sexual orientation, race, belief; we are all humans and we deserve equal rights. I'm a straight white christian but that doesn't mean I don't see the struggles of others. A majority of my friends are gay or bisexual, most of them don't believe in a god, and I have witnessed their struggles and listened to their pains and I stand beside them. I was raised seeing a person as a person; no matter their race, beliefs, or sexual orientation. With all that's going on today I think that most people forget that we are all human beings, and those things that define a person shouldn't be what separates them from being a human being. Being gay doesn't suddenly change the fact that you are human and being human you deserve the same rights as everyone else.

Strength

Strength -- A couple of years ago I got that word tattooed on my foot. I got it for one important reason: I needed it to remind myself everyday just how strong I am capable of being. I'm not talking about the kind of strength it takes to lift something heavy, but the strength it takes to hold an imaginary weight on your shoulders. My family and friends tell me all the time how strong and brave I am, that I'm going out and attempting to make my life better. In truth though I am not as strong as I look, I am pretty good at putting up a facade, and I fight everyday to stay strong. I may look like I've got it all figured out and everything is going as planned, but really I have no idea what I'm doing and I worry all the time that things won't work out. I think that everybody goes through this same thing at least once, if not more, in their life. I have worked hard the last six years to put my past behind me, to push myself to be the person I'm truly meant to be. Strength, is something that has brought me through. In all honesty I don't think everyone could have traveled down the same road I did and make it to the other side. It was more than just something inside of me though, it was all the people in my life; my family and friends and all the new friends I gained along the way. They are the reason I keep fighting everyday; the thought that my strength is their strength. They need me as much as I need them, and my life is important to them. I think that is something others should take from, that the life you live isn't lived just for you alone but all those around you as well. Your strength emanates in the lives of others and vice-versa. No matter how alone with your struggles you feel there are always those who are around to share your burdens, whether it be the god you believe in or family and friends or a significant other or a therapist you probably pay way to much for. It took me a while to figure it out, but when I did I realized that even though I feel alone that I'm never really alone and that gives me strength. So looking at that word inked into my skin reminds me of so much more than a word, it reminds me of my struggles all the things I went through and the knowledge that I have the ability to beat anything that crosses my path; it also reminds me of all the people who I draw that strength from and those same people who need me to be strong.

“I am thankful for my struggle because without it, I wouldn't have stumbled upon my strength.”
― Alexandra Elle

Thanksgiving!

Happy Thanksgiving everyone! I unfortunately don't get to spend the day with friends and family because I'm 1300 miles away from them. I love Thanksgiving at my house, I remember waking up to a turkey cooking in the oven. That smell will forever be burned into my memory. I love spending time with my family, most people can't stand to spend a whole day with their crazy relatives but me I love them all. When I was younger we used to play games all afternoon as the older men would take a nap to sleep off the turkey and the older women would play cards. Those are fond memories...

There is something else I feel like talking about today, mostly because it is so in your face at the moment. The Ferguson case. I noticed this article this morning - http://www.foxnews.com/us/2014/11/27/agitators-planned-to-disrupt-macy-thanksgiving-day-parade/ Honestly I am disappointed in people, I understand that people are angry; I myself didn't really follow the case but I am aware of the circumstances. I don't see the reason behind ruining a parade which is meant to celebrate thanks. I listened to the prosecutors speech and watched the aftermath, that boys family asked for peace and the people answered with destruction. Burning of american flags, burning of police cars, burning of public buildings. Since the case started there has been so much hate and loss, is that really the best way to fight this case; fire with fire. There are some questions I wish to ask, and please don't consider this offensive I don't mean it to sound the least bit racist. Would this all have turned out the same if that boy had been white? Is the color of his skin really the underlying factor? If that boy had been white would it have made national news, would the president have made a speech, would there have been rioting and protesters? Police brutality happens more often than any of us would like, with power comes those who will abuse it. Police brutality occurs no matter the color of someones skin. Don't get me wrong I am not naive to the fact that those of darker skin are often targeted for police action, I took a class during my undergrad which focused on the criminal justice system and minorities. The cold hard truth is that if you are a rich white male you are far less likely to be stopped by the cops than a poor black woman, and its not right... not in the least bit. But everyday more and more of those with the old train of thought are leaving the criminal justice system and people with a new train of thought are coming in, I truly hope that someday the color of someones skin will no longer be an issue. But likewise people need to stop falling into the stereotypes; don't act like they expect you to act and rise above, make them see you in a different light.

Happy Halloween!

Halloween is my favorite holiday, it's the one day out of the year that you have permission to be whoever or whatever you want, the skies the limit. Although I still think the classics are the best; vampire, witch, ghost, zombie... and you can interpret them however you want. What I really love about Halloween is its history whether All Hallows Eve or Day of the Dead. A time for remembering the dead a celebration of those who have passed on. Today Halloween has become a day of scares, trick-or-treating, and carving pumpkins. As long as I can remember I looked forward to the week before Halloween when I got to carve pumpkins, I loved digging my fingers into the slimy innards. Oh, and trick-or-treating I sure miss those days. Spending all evening dressed up in my cute little costumes knocking on strangers doors. I have fond memories of coming home to my father watching some scary black and white movie on TV and I'd sit at the table and pour out my bag full of candy so I could sort through it. And when I got old enough I finally got to go to a haunted house, screaming when something jumped out at me... and nothing is scarier than a clown with a chainsaw. As I get older it seems like those exciting Halloween things are getting farther and farther away, life seems to get in the way. I hope someday life will slow down enough and I'll have kids of my own and Halloween will become what it used to be for me again.

Visual Perception

I was thinking today about how we perceive others visually, simply I was thinking about the old saying "Don't judge a book by its cover." In most cases I think that this saying holds weight, to quickly people judge a person based on their appearance. Speaking from experience, I know what its like to be judged based on the way you look. People look at me and see a simple weak naive innocent girl, but trust me I am so much more than that. In truth we have all done it, it is natural for us to judge others based on the way they look. What we see is the first way in which we perceive an individual, even before they speak or act. For example the town I grew up in has a biker rally every year, thousands of bikers come from all over. When you see them at the bar or driving their bike around town you see a biker with tattoos and wearing leather. What you don't see are who they really are; most of them are doctors, lawyers, and other honorable members of society. The way a person looks or the way they dress doesn't always display the person they are, sometimes is does, but not always. How different would the world be if we saw people for what they truly were as opposed to what they look like? Could you just imagine, seeing people for who they really are? Would you want to? Would you want people to see you for who you really are? I think these questions are pretty important to keep in mind the next time you judge someone based on how you visually perceive them.

Meaghan Ramsey: Why thinking you're ugly is bad for you

I know I have posted quite a few Ted Talk videos, but I have another that I felt like sharing. One of the first things she talks about is a young girl posting a video on YouTube asking if she's ugly or not. The comments that Meaghan shows almost made me cry. To think that people would say such terrible things astounds me, because in no way is that young girl ugly. I know that Meaghan focuses on girls in her talk, but she also talks about boys as well. Some of the statistics and research findings she presents are staggering; I am amazed that even something such as how well you do on an exam and your overall GPA can become affected by how you perceive your appearance. I speak from experience when I say that I too struggle daily with whether or not I look good enough, and I think that a lot of people do. But how can we hope to change anything, how can a young impressionable girl feel beautiful when people are telling her how ugly she is? I think that the basis of Meaghan's idea is something that in the long run could change the way young people look in the mirror.

Representations of Gender in Advertising

Just saw this video, I feel like it kind of goes along with my last post. It describes gender roles in advertising, the statistics are based on Canadian society but I think they are pretty similar wherever you live. It amazes me how media portrays women and men; whether its advertisements, commercials, music videos, etc. Women are shown in such sexual and submissive roles, whereas men are shown as dominant and powerful. It is something that has always bothered me, mostly because people take one look at me and automatically assume I am weak. I was raised strong, I am capable of doing things most men can't even do and it bothers me that I am so quickly judged solely on the fact that I am a feminine woman. Gender stereotypes are the reason so many people are unhappy with the way they truly are, society tells us we have to look and act certain ways and really we should just be whoever we want to be.

Colin Stokes: How movies teach manhood

Just saw this video and I felt the need to share it. I realize that in the world today the lines that separate men and women are starting to blur, but the truth is that those lines are still there. I am a feminist and I believe strongly in equal rights and equality of all, but what I think we as a nation fail to realize is that as hard as we try to make women stronger and more independent men are not being made to change as well. Now I don't want my words to be taken the wrong way so I will try to explain. Like this video is trying to explain, boys grow up watching movies that portray men as the dominant character. Women are very seldom portrayed as anything other than a damsel in distress, all love struck and defenseless. Don't get me wrong I love romantic comedies, but the issue with most of these movies is that it shows a woman needs a man. There is a quote that I think is really important for young girls to know, "A women needs a man like a fish needs a bicycle." Society is working hard to promote strength in young girls, but we also need promote respect and understanding in young boys. Movies need to show more men working alongside women, showing men who are more than just the conquering hero.

Healthy Living

I've been into a health kick lately, I'm trying to lose weight the right way. I watched a documentary titled Hungry for Change, I thought it was a great film and I recommend it. It really talks about what you put into your body and how you treat your body. I know that people try everything to lose weight; diets, pills, other insane things. In the long run all of those things are only hurting you not helping you. It's not about the fastest method or the easiest method, its about the right method. Everyone wants an easy solution, but improving your life takes work. If you want to lose weight and feel better about yourself it has to start with you and what you put into your body, not just that but what you shouldn't be putting into your body. For thousands of years people have been living off the land, eating what naturally grows there. If you want to get healthy that's where you need to start; fresh produce, chemical free meats, staying away from refined sugars and high fructose corn syrup and for heavens sake staying far away from aspartame (which is present in most artificial sweeteners in diet products) and MSG. Water is one of the best things on earth and the more you drink the better you'll feel. And it's not just what you put into your body, but what you do to your body. Sleep, is always good and getting eight hours is really important to a healthy body. More than that is not stressing over it all, stress weighs on the body and effects your immune system which in turn effects your health. Meditation and yoga are awesome for relieving stress, but if your like most people life is just to busy; so taking time to be by yourself and listening to music, watching a movie, or taking a long hot shower are all really good ways to destress. Or there is always my favorite which is taking a hot 20 minute bath, which is also really good for detoxifying. Detox is also important in a healthy body; you can detox by drinking green or dandelion root tea, juicing with fruits and vegetables (parsley and cilantro are really good detoxifiers), and of course cranberry juice. Then there is exercise, that one is pretty important too, because you can do everything else right but without losing calories you can't lose fat. All of that aside there is one other thing that is really important and this one took me a long time to come to terms with, you have to accept yourself love yourself. In the Hungry for change documentary they talked about something that I think really resonates, you need to look at yourself in the mirror and say "I love myself unconditionally right now." It is one thing to want to change your health, but losing weight won't change the way you feel about yourself, you have to do that all on your own. You have to encourage yourself and not get down when things don't happen immediately, changing your life takes time.
If you want check out Hungry for Change's Facebook page, here's the link: https://www.facebook.com/hungryforchangefilm

Ice Bucket Challenge

I wanted to share a video about the ALS ice bucket challenge. It has reached a lot of people, I have seen tons of posts on facebook and twitter showing famous people who are accepting the challenge. I really hope that everyone who participates is doing it for the right reason. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h07OT8p8Oik#t=365 This video really shows why donating money is so important to changing someones life.

Evil

I watched a documentary on the science of evil today and I thought I would share my thoughts. Evil is defined as morally bad, causing harm or injury to someone, or marked by bad luck or bad events. Evil is something that is not born, but made. We all have the ability to commit acts of evil, evil is already within us. It is our actions that determine whether we act on such evil or not. We are tasked with discerning between doing what is right or what is wrong. In the documentary I watched they showed an experiment done at Stanford where college students volunteered to play the roles of prisoners and guards. What the experiment showed is that when placed in a particular situation we inherently take on certain roles and act on those roles whether right or wrong. The documentary also talked about Jeffrey Dahmer, while in prison Dahmer wanted to repent for his sins and be baptized. The true question here is that can a man who is considered to be the most horrible of evils be given salvation and forgiveness, should he be allowed such gracious acts? In my opinion I would say if, and only if, his feeling of remorse and repent are true then only God can decide whether he is still evil or not. But can an evil act not be evil, for example the situation often used to test people: A building is crumbling and you knew the way out, there are two rooms and in one is a friend and in the other a group of strangers, you can only make it to one room in time, which do you choose? In this situation you are choosing between the one or the many, but either way is it an act of evil? If you decide to go to the room of strangers and save their lives you are consciously letting your friend die and is that not evil, oppositely if you go to your friend and save them letting the group of strangers die is that not also evil? The question here is which is the "lesser of evils," both acts result in death which is considered evil, but which evil is not as evil as the other? The documentary also showed a current study on the parts of the brain used in making decisions of what is right and wrong. The study shows that most decisions are made using the emotional portions of the brain, however when given questions with the lesser of two evil options the logic and reason part of the brain becomes active when the individual chooses to save the many over the one. However when they decide to choose the one over the many only the emotional part of the brain becomes active. What I believe this is showing is that evil, or acts of evil are tied to our emotions, and when we are forced to choose the lesser of evils we resort to letting logic decide for us. So is an act not evil when we let logic decide or is it still evil? I believe an act of evil is evil, however one evil act does not make an individual evil. When that individual made a logical decision to commit an evil act they weren't acting out of evil. When an individual consciously commits evil only for the simple fact that they can or that they want to, that makes them evil.

Miss Me

Its weird the things that you miss, even when its feels wrong to miss them. In high school I had very strong feelings for a guy, he also had strong feelings for me. He, however, never made any attempt to be with me and eventually ignored me completely; he dated other girls, but wouldn't date me. He toyed with my emotions and feelings and somehow I continued to like him. I have spent years trying to move on from him, but what really sucks is that I still miss him. Not just him, but the way he made me feel. I know that I shouldn't, but I can't seem to help it. Similarly, I continually miss my best friend, not the person but the relationship. My best friend treated me like crap, but truthfully that was all I knew, its what I was used to and its what I miss. I miss having someone in my life that I was so close to, and I worry I will never  have that again. I miss life the way it used to be; it may not have been perfect and it may have been wrong but there were things in my life that I liked and now that they are gone I miss them, good or bad. It really makes me understand why people stay in abusive relationships, which is what both of my relationships were. When you care about someone, even when they hurt you, you tend to look past the bad things. You want to only see the good because you like those good things and you don't want to lose them. When I lost my best friend it was the worst day of my life, I had never really seen my friendship with her as an abusive one I just thought that was the way things were. It wasn't until I was no longer under her spell that I realized exactly how bad the relationship was. Now that I look back at it I regret not opening my eyes earlier, but I am also grateful for the relationship because it made me stronger; it made me the person I am today. So, that seemed like a long tangent but what my point really is is that when it comes to missing things we don't really have control over it. We miss things we know we shouldn't, but we can't seem to help it. And really we shouldn't be ashamed of missing those things, because at one point in our lives it was what we wanted, what we needed and without those moments, those people, those things we wouldn't be the people we are.

Too Good To Be True (Book Title)

I haven't posted in a while and I felt like I should post something. I don't have any random thoughts to talk about right now so I thought I would post a fragment of the book I wrote. It's not a published book or anything special really, I just felt like writing a book... so I did. Someday I might actually publish it but for right now its just something I did when I was bored. For those of you who actually read my posts please feel free to tell me what you think of the fragment of my book.

Jason turned on the car and pulled out of the parking lot. He drove for twenty or so miles as I sat looking out the window at the stars. He finally pulled into a dark drive covered in gravel. I looked around, there were large piles of gravel and rock all over; I figured we must be at a gravel pit. He stopped the car in front of what I guessed to be a lake, from the way the moonlight hit it. He turned off the car and turned to me.

“Ready,” he smiled.

“Sure… for what? Did you bring me out here to kill me?” I smiled uncertainly.

“Take off your shoes and leave your phone in here,” he smiled.

He kicked off his shoes, pulled his phone out of his front pocket and his wallet from his back pocket, and set in the center console. I pulled off my shoes and pulled my phone from my pocket, setting it next to his in the center console. He got out of the car and I followed. He walked up to the edge of the water and held out his hand for me to take. I grabbed his hand; he pulled me next to him, faced me, and grinned.

“Hold your breath.”

He quickly pulled my body close to him, wrapped his arms around me, and threw us both into the lake. The water was warm from being under the sun all day, as it enveloped us.  He released me from his arms so we could both swim to the surface.

“Adrenaline pumping?” he laughed.

“Yeah,” I replied laughing, trying to catch my breath.

We both waded in the water a little; I then started floating on my back looking up at the stars. He swam over next to me and began floating on his back.

“The stars are so beautiful,” I remarked.

“When I was little I used to sit out late at night and look at the stars, my grandma used to say they were the shining light of all the little happy moments in the world. That each star was a happy moment that had happened somewhere and the light it gave off stuck in the sky, so when we have sad times we can look up there and remember all the happy ones.”

“That’s really beautiful.”

“Yeah, my grandma was an amazing woman. She died about a year ago.”

“I’m really sorry.”

“Thanks.”

We floated a little while in silence looking at the stars. Then without warning Jason pushed down on my stomach causing me to go under. I came back to the surface to see him grinning at me.

“Hey, what was that for?”

“It’s time to have some fun, enough serious stuff for one night” he grinned.

He ducked under the water. I couldn’t see him, and then he popped up behind me and pushed down on my shoulders shoving me under again. I came back up to the surface and he had swum away from me. Smiling, I swam quickly towards him and he swam away from me again laughing. Finally I caught up with him and pulled him under the water.  He came to the surface, the moonlight hit his face. He looked almost unreal; I wondered how it was possible that a guy who looked like him would want anything to do with a girl who looked like me.

“Shall we go?” he asked.

“Sure.”

“To my place...? We can watch a movie?” he said with hesitation.

“That was the plan right?” I smiled.

“Just making sure you still want to,” he smiled cautiously.

“Yes, of course I do.”

He started swimming back to the shore and I followed. He walked out of the water and over to his car. I walked out and stood on the shore, wringing out my hair.

“Well, we’re not getting in my car like this,” motioning to our wet clothes, “I have some spare clothes in my trunk.”

He opened his car door, took out his key, walked to the back of his car, and opened the trunk. He pulled out a gym bag and opened it. From the bag he pulled out a pair of gray sweats, a pair of red and blue checker boxers, and a Red Lake High School t-shirt.

“You can wear the pants and shirt. I’ll wear the boxers.”

I walked over to the back of his car and took the clothes out of his hand. He smiled at me; I wasn’t quite comfortable changing in front of him. So I walked behind one of the large piles of gravel. I took off all my wet clothes and pulled on the shirt and pants. I then picked up my clothes off the ground and walked around to the front of the pile.

I saw him standing next to his car in just his boxers, his wet body glistened in the moonlight it almost took my breath away. In the moonlight I could just make out the curves of his back, he didn’t have the gym-workout-every-day look, but he did have decent muscular structure. I walked over to him and set my wet clothes in his trunk next to his wet clothes. From the front I could see his abs and pecks; he had a definite four-pack and fairly well shaped pectoral muscles. I had the urge to reach out and touch him but I resisted. He caught me staring at him and my cheeks immediately warmed when he grinned.

“You could’ve changed in front of me you know. I’ve already seen you naked,” he chuckled.

“Well, I don’t remember that so…. I’m not comfortable with that yet,” I smirked.

What I was really thinking, was that he had this awesome body and I had a very average and unfit body, and undressing in front of him would be terrifying. He laughed at my comment, and then grabbed my waist and pulled my body close next to his. I could feel his bare skin touching my mine through the thin shirt; he kissed me gently on the cheek. This wouldn’t seem like a really romantic gesture, I mean you kiss your grandma on the cheek. When he kissed my cheek however, it was something totally different. It was like a natural intimate gesture, like something that occurred all the time, it felt normal.

“Hop in, let’s go,” a smile on his face ear to ear.

I walked to the passenger side of the car and got in; he walked to the driver’s side and also got in. He started the car and drove out of the pits. We drove to his apartment listening to the music playing softly and not saying a word. I peered up at the star sky praying for a shooting star so that I could wish this night would never end. Once we arrived at his apartment we got out of the car; he opened his trunk and took the wet clothes out of it. We walked up to his apartment; he unlocked his door, and motioned for me to go in first.

“Would you like to take a shower?” he asked, dropping the wet clothes on the floor next to the door.

“Yeah, that would be nice.”

He walked to the bathroom and I followed, he stopped right in the doorway. He turned around to face me, looked at me, and grinned that crooked grin mischievously.

“Alright, you can shower under one condition,” that mischievous grin still spread across his face.

“What’s that?” I questioned, unable to stop grinning.

“I get to shower with you.”

I was shocked; the smile disappeared from my face. I paused, smiled nervously, and shook my head. Was I ready for something like that? After all I had only met this guy this morning, and twenty minutes ago I couldn’t even change clothes in front of him? Then a thought popped into my head, if he couldn’t see me then maybe I wouldn’t be ashamed to be naked in front of him.

“Alright, but I have a condition too,” I demanded.

“What’s your condition?”

“You have to wear a blindfold.”

He paused, I couldn’t tell what he was thinking, but then he smiled.

“Alright.”

The Bucket List

My grandfather recently passed away, for a while I've been keeping a bucket list of all the things I want to do before I die, and his passing made me realize that there are so many things that aren't on that list. I have things like swim with dolphins and attend the lantern festival, but I am missing the most important things. I mean, all those things are great, because I truly believe that life should be lived to its fullest not just in length, but width as well. What is missing though are the little things, for example: make a meaningful contribution to a charity, change someones life for the better, help someone accomplish something without them knowing, adopt an animal from a shelter, and so on. There are so many things that we should do with our lives before we leave this earth, things that aren't about us but about others. Many people are given so much, so much that they don't even realize what they have. In this day and age we have so much offered to us, we can do whatever we set our minds to, with the exception of gravity and physics almost anything is possible we just have to get out and go for it. I know that I want to do anything and everything I can, that includes the things that have no benefit for me. I don't want my dying thought to be that I didn't do enough in this world, instead I want to leave this world happy and at peace knowing I did all I could have to live and make an impact on this world. My grandpa was an amazing man, he most definitely lived his life to the fullest. He saw the world; he helped those less fortunate than him, he was a man that would give you the shirt off his back. He had a family who he loved more than life itself and he made sure that they had everything they needed. If the world was full of people who lived their lives like my grandfather I truly believe the world would be a better place. So, as for me, I am going to do everything I can to live a full life; I'm going to travel and see the world, I'm going to do things not only for myself but for others as well. Then when I do finally "kick the bucket" I will have crossed everything off my list.

The Power of Introverts

I myself am an introvert and I believe strongly in the sense of solitude and its ability to make me a better person. This video with Susan Cain shares the power of what being an introvert really means. Our society today pushes people to be extroverts; in school they force us to work in groups and in society if we don't act outgoing we are often ignored. I also want to share with you a link to Susan's book http://youtu.be/UAAoJc1oC9s . The world needs all kinds and I think that we often forget this. Carl Jung was the creater of the theories in which introversion and extroversion are based. The Myers-Briggs Test is used to determine what your personality is. I am an ISFJ, to find out what you are you can take the test at http://www.personalitypathways.com/type_inventory.html .

Look Up

Beauty

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder. Unfortunately today the beholder is society, and society has distorted the true ideals of beauty. For thousands of years curvaceous woman were seen as being beautiful and most were highly revered. Even a decade ago women who were full figured were seen as the epitome of beauty, for example Marilyn Monroe; every woman wanted to be her, every man wanted to have her and she was no stick figure. Society today however tells women that they have to have tiny little waists and practically be skin and bone to be beautiful. I myself have fallen prey to this societal idea of beauty, and what is really sad is that even science is telling me that I am not ideal. My BMI range tells me that I am overweight and if you were to see me you would think I'm joking, but I'm not. Beauty is a funny thing, not in that it is laughable, but that it is so easily changeable. Great philosophers couldn't even settle on a definition of beauty, because beauty is a word not easily defined. What may be beautiful to me may not be beautiful to you. So who is to say that the women plastered on the billboards and on the cover of magazines are beautiful. Young girls starve themselves and practically kill themselves trying to live up to the standards of beauty society has set for them, and not just girls but boys as well. We have it so drilled into our heads that what society tells us is right, but that is not in the least bit true. Our "imperfections" are what make us human, we come in all shapes and sizes, all colors and sexual orientations. We say that nature is beautiful for its differences, one gem is just as beautiful as another even if it is not exactly the same, so why can't humans be that way. A curvaceous woman should be just as beautiful as a skinny woman, there is no "real" woman only actual women.

NRA- Guns Save Lives

Black and White

The world is full of opposites; light and dark, day and night, yes and no. People tend to see the world as being only black and white but the world is so much more, it is all the grey in between. The best parts of life are those that aren't one extreme or the other, but what comes between the two. The dim light and the shadows between the light and the dark. The sunrise and sunset that come between each night and day. The life that is lived between birth and death. Not all questions can be answered with a simple yes or no and the truth is that in most cases we are happy with not having the answer. In order to see the bigger picture we have to see the greys that fill in the spaces between black and white. There isn't only good and bad, right or wrong, heaven or hell; there is so much in between. Sometimes we can be good and other times we can be bad, we can do the right things and the wrong things, but we aren't always one or the other sometimes we just are sometimes we just do things that aren't always right and aren't always wrong. The way we are and the things we do all have the potential to be good, bad, right, or wrong but it doesn't always mean they are. Our lives are lived in an in between, life is an in between its not black or white but every shade of grey.

Loneliness

Have you ever had many people in your life but still feel all alone? I do, I feel this way all the time. I have a family who loves me I have friends who love me and yet I feel alone. I have never had a romantic relationship; I've never had a boyfriend, never really had anyone who was in love with me. When I think about it I wonder why it bothers me so much. People are happy being single so why can't I be, I have people in my life who care about me so I'm not really alone... but I think it's something different. We are here to live and love and thrive, without love life is an empty place. I am happy with my life, but I know something is missing and I understand that a man isn't going to suddenly make my life better. But I do think that the love of another person would make my life better. Loneliness is a funny thing, we can feel it when we are surrounded by people or when we are all alone. And I think that the sadness that people feel would be more understandable if they were all alone instead of surrounded by people. Because in our minds this doesn't make sense, but somehow we still feel it and it feels wrong. I have cried myself to sleep many nights thinking about the loneliness I feel and telling myself that its stupid to feel that way. I tell myself that I am not alone and yet somewhere inside of me I still feel it, and that loneliness isn't due to a lack of people who love me but a lack of someone specific who is in love with me. I think it's this exact feeling that causes so many people to take their own lives, because they feel all alone even when there are people who love them. I don't condone suicide and even though I once contemplated suicide I now realize how selfish of an act it is. As lonely as I feel I know that people still love me and they would be hurt if I was gone, so instead of thinking of only my own unhappiness I think about the unhappiness of others if I was no longer around. I think that when we feel all alone we need to take a step back and look at the world, there are so many people out there who are just as lonely as you and realize that you are never alone in the way you feel. We are all human, we crave love and belonging and we are all in the same boat together.

After the Dark

I think that most people watch movies and read books and only see what's on the surface. They don't take the time to look deep, to read between the lines. A few weeks ago I watched a movie called After the Dark, it was released in the US in February. If you haven't seen it and enjoy movies that challenge the mind I would suggest seeing it. The movie takes place at an international school in Jakarta, it starts on the last day of the students senior year and their last official philosophy class. The teacher proposes an experiment in which the students have to imagine a scenario where an apocalyptic event has occurred and the class of twenty students are all given roles in which they must decide which ten of the most significant roles shall be saved in a bunker for a year in order to reboot the human race. I watched the movie before I checked out the reviews on the IMDb website, and I'm gad I did. Most all of the reviews are bad, people state that the movie is poorly done and that the entire thing was horrific. These people I don't think truly saw the movie for what it was, it wasn't intended to excite the audience it wasn't intended to captivate the audience; it was intended to force the audience to see something that we often forget. The basis of philosophy is reason and logic, the movie attempts to prove that life is not philosophical. The class conducts the experiment three times; the first time their decisions for who will be allowed in the bunker are based solely on what roles would be most beneficial for the restart of the human race. I don't want to ruin the movie for you if you intend to watch it so I will simply say this, their first attempt ends in failure for one simple reason they fear the unknown. The second time they are presented with a second part to their role and the experiment is made a little harder with the students having to produce a child while in the bunker for a year. This time their decision on who is allowed in is based on their roles as well as their ability to produce a child, this attempt also ends in failure because they inevitably accept their fate. With the final time one of the students proposes a different decision making process. She chooses individuals not based on their roles or what they can do to reboot the human race but what they offer as a whole. This time ends much differently. These three experiments show different aspects of humanity, the first and second showing that logic and reason end in failure because we fear the unknown and we inevitably accept our fate. The finale time ended differently because those chosen brought forth life and happiness and they accepted the unknown and didn't fear their fate. The end of the movie is a little weird and at first I didn't like it or understand it, but the more I thought about it the more I realized why they did it. The end shows that the philosophy teacher, although he teaches and follows logic and reason he just like the rest of us is only human, and we as a human race choose emotion and feeling over logic and reason.

Magic and Illusion

Illusion: something that deceives by producing a false or misleading impression of reality; the state or condition of being deceived. I am a believer in magic and illusion, I think that a little harmless deception is a good thing. As humans we want to be entertained, and we want something that will astound and amaze us; which is exactly what magic does. I remember watching as a kid The World's Greatest Magic and Magic's Biggest Secrets Finally Revealed, I was in love with Penn and Teller and Lance Burton. When I was a teenager I would watch Criss Angel and I have continued to watch his "mind freak" illusions. Magic and illusion are a trick of the mind; the person doing that magic is deceiving you, but you as the viewer are accepting of this deception and find enjoyment from it. I am a rationalist, I believe in finding the truth in everything which is why I think I love magic and illusion so much because on one hand I want to figure out how they did it and on the other hand I struck by the notion that I don't want to know the truth because it would take all of the excitement away from it. From a simple card trick to a death defying stunt we as an audience are astounded by the simple deception, we know we are being deceived and yet we are all to eager to sit back and let them deceive us. There is a sort of wonder in the unknown and a sadness in the knowing. I want to share a video with you that I think helps to express my point, this man in the video is doing card tricks. The entire time you can tell he is using a slight of hand and yet the way he does it keeps you so entertained that you ignore it and are amazed by what he can do. Lennart Green In watching magic we set aside our left brain for a little while, we set aside logic and reason and open ourselves up to our imagination and let ourselves be amazed by this alteration of reality.

Jane McGonigal: The game that can give you 10 extra years of life

Gender

My freshman year of college I took a course that truly changed my perspective. The college I attended was a liberal arts school and students are required to take classes in different courses not pertaining to their major; one of the areas was minorities and culture. I decided to take a class about transgender, I thought it would be easy and I could just get it out of the way. What I didn't realize is that it would open my eyes to something I hadn't really thought about before. I myself am a supporter of LGBT rights and I believe that they can choose the life they want to lead. I didn't really understand the concept of what transgender was or what the people who are transgender go through. The first day of class our professor asked us to define sex and gender. Most people use the words in a way that they seem to have the same definition, however what I learned is this: Sex is male or female based upon whether you were born with the x chromosome or the y chromosome, whether you have male sexual organs or female sexual organs. Gender is a grouping based on what type of societal stereotype you reside with. Let me explain, society as whole divides people into masculine and feminine often we place those of the male sex in the masculine group and those of the female in the feminine group. With those that are transgender they identify themselves in a gender group based on their own personal gender identity and not on the sex they were born with. A lot of people, including myself up until I took this course, don't understand what it means to be transgender. Most people think that those who are transgender are just confused or that they are some kind of mentally unstable individual. However like people who are gay/lesbian transgender people don't choose to feel the way they do, they are just born with the understanding that the body they have isn't who they are. Religious people will say that this is wrong, and I don't believe that to be true. God created all of us in his image, he created each of us to be who we are; those who are transgender they were just brought into this world with the wrong body. In the womb we start out all the same, and through the process of gestation and through hormone development we either become male or female. God doesn't care what you do to your body as long as you love yourself and him, people cover their skin in tattoos and piercings and we put on clothes that represent our personalty and some people get botox or plastic surgery so tell me how that is any different from wanting to change what sex you are. Who you are on the inside is all that matters and if you want to change the way you look on the outside then shouldn't you be allowed to? On average we all have the same looking brain the same looking heart and we all have the intangible thing that we call a soul, those are the pieces of us that are important they are what make us who we are and what are body looks like doesn't matter. In the class we watched a lot of movies and I think that three of them will help people understand what its like for those who aren't happy in their own skin and how free they become when they embrace who they really are; Boys Don't Cry, Transamerica, and The Birdcage. Again I wish to reiterate that this is only my opinion and I do not wish to offend anyone, please don't leave negative comments.

Vulnerability

I am shy person, however I haven't always been. When I was younger I was very outgoing, I would talk to anyone and I wasn't afraid to do anything. It seems though as I got older my ability to be outgoing, to put myself out there diminished. I wonder if this is the same for other people... I know that when we are young we aren't yet affected by the standards set by society. Our society makes people feel insecure with themselves, whether the way they look, dress, act, talk; and eventually we become so affected by society that we begin to doubt ourselves and are less likely to put ourselves out there. The human race is fragile and because we have intelligence and reason we also have emotion and feeling. Opening ourselves up and putting ourselves out there makes us vulnerable; vulnerable to shame, to fear, to rejection. These emotions and feelings brought on by vulnerability are unwanted and we tend to push them away or do whatever it takes not to feel them. Some people change the way they are and the way they look, so that they will fit into the ideals set forth in our society. Others like myself shy away from situations and other people and things that would cause us to be vulnerable. However, that same vulnerability with all its bad emotions and feelings can cause good ones as well. When we open up to people and put ourselves out there we also connect and fall in love and learn new things. I truly think that if society changes instead of the people in it, then we will all be more confident. If a young girl can look at a magazine and see a woman with curves who exudes confidence then that little girl can grow up and no matter what body type she has she will be confident in her own skin. If a young boy who is questioning his sexuality can see that his gay neighbors are happily married with children of their own then that little boy can grow up and not fear shame and rejection if he decides he's gay. How can we as individuals be vulnerable and have confidence in ourselves when everyday we wake up and the world tells us there is something wrong with who we are, when the world tells us that we have to change?

Hello!

I decided to try something new and give blogging a try. I don't know if anyone will actually read this or if anyone will care, but I decided to give it a try anyway. I often have so many thoughts rolling around in my head on a daily basis and I thought that I should share my quirky thoughts with the world. So here goes... my first official blog. I want to start by saying that the things I say aren't meant to offend anyone and I truly believe that everyone has the right to their own opinion. That being said I know that I my self tend to have strong opinions. I would consider myself a feminist and in saying that I think it is necessary to define exactly what a feminist is for those who don't truly understand. The dictionary defines feminism as the theory of the political, economic, and social equality of the sexes or an organized activity on behalf of women's rights and interests. I don't think that this definition is a good one. Feminism, I believe, is the belief that all those being oppressed have the right to equality. Oppressed being any who are the minority; so women, gays, those of color, and so on. Being a feminist I believe that we all have the right to equal freedoms and rights; I think women should be equal to men, homosexuals and other LGBT individuals should be equal to heterosexuals, those of color equal to those seen as the dominate race. So, that aside, I want to present you with my other views... I am a christian to be more specific my domination is Trinity Lutheran of the Missouri Synod, that being said I am open and accepting of all other religions. I believe that all faiths have a higher power and that higher power whatever we wish to call it is all the same, most basic ancient and medieval philosophy speaks of a higher power and I believe that this is what all religions are based upon. That being said I don't exactly follow my own religion to a T, I tend to have my own beliefs about the way in which the bible should be interpreted. I also believe strongly in science and I think that science and religion all though often at odds can be interpreted together and that it isn't necessary to pick a side. I try to stay away from politics but if you ask me I am sure to tell you what I think and how I feel about government and all other political things. I am by nature a pessimist, I however like to think of myself as a realist. I tend to look at things for what they really are, and I tend to look for the truth in people. On the other side of that I am trying very hard to be more of an optimist and look for the good in people. Nature I find is a beautiful thing and after my "rough" year I have taken a new look at what the world really is. I feel like I should explain this "rough" year that I had, its been five years since then and I have spent every minute making my life better and putting it behind me. That sounds a lot worse than it really is, but the experience for me was a tough one. I was betrayed by someone very close to me, my best friend and it rocked my world so much that I almost took my life. If it wasn't for one amazing individual I might not be here today. After that I began to realize what a dark cloud my best friend had really been in my life. I don't know if you've ever had someone in your life that has such a strong hold on you, but my best friend was that for me. She had a way of making me feel like I was less of a person than I really was. She made me doubt myself, she judged me, and put me down and the weight of her presence in my life lowered my self-esteem so much that when she was gone I had nothing left. That was the point at which I was ready to end my life, I felt alone and lost and like there was nobody there for me. But that day someone who is now a very close friend of mine said this to me, "I am on your side." Those words they changed my life, in this big scary world we all worry that we're alone and the truth is that we're not. Someone whoever they are is always on your side, you may not even know their name or may not have even met them but there are so many people out there that want to help you. Even if it that person is the voice on the other end of a call to the suicide hotline, they are there for you and want to make sure you go on living. I want to firmly state that suicide is never the answer to your problems, I have lost friends to suicide and there is no worse feeling than thinking you could have done something to save them. Suicide is selfish, and I speak from experience that in the moment you're not thinking about everyone else who's going to be left behind, but I think that if you are contemplating suicide that you think about all those you'll leave behind. So that's a little about me and I will post on here the little thoughts in my head when they come to me. Again I don't want anyone to be offended by what I say and please don't leave negative comments, however if you have something you want to add or questions for me feel free to do so.