The Sky is Falling

Its been awhile since I wrote last, life has been busy and I haven't had time to have a free thought. But now everything is just... well there's really no word for it, it's more of the sound you make when you fall out of bed, you know the sound? It amazes me how life can go from being bright and sunny and the flowers are blooming and then bam the sky starts falling around you. And its not like things happen slowly or little by little so they are easy to take and easy to overcome, no its all at once and its suffocating. I don't want to shower you with all my problems, because that's not who I am. But lets put it this way- no job, no money, no relationship, a grad school thesis presentation/paper. I have come to realize that the hard times in my life are always like this, its not just one thing its a culmination of many things. I don't know if its like that for everyone, but its always like that for me. They say that God only gives you what you can handle, and I think that maybe that's true. I just wish he wouldn't give me so much all the time. But, no matter what I try to keep a positive attitude and keep my chin up even when I just want to break down and cry. I guess I've just been here so many times that I've learned that crying about it isn't going to make it any better, don't get me wrong a good cry always makes me feel a little better, but it doesn't change my situation. When things get bad I think I force myself to smile, not because I'm trying to fool anyone, but because the more I force myself to smile the more I actually smile. If you were to meet me you would never guess what's going on inside my head, I have perfected the ability to hide my emotions and my worry. And though that's not a good thing, it is something I have done to cope with life. I have been at the bottom of the barrel, I know exactly what the darkness looks like, but I have done something I wish I could share with others who are at their worst. I had my moment, that small light in the darkness, I realized that as bad as it gets, as much as it hurts, it could always be worse. The sky may be falling, but at least the ground is still beneath my feet. With all the bad in the world, the good still beats it 100%. And all those bruises and broken bones of life they eventually heal, and they are just that much stronger. I think that people like myself, people who have been at their lowest who have seen the darkness, when they come into the light they see it so much more than those who haven't. I think now I appreciate all the beautiful things in life so much more, and even when the sky is falling it looks more like a meteor shower than the apocalypse.